YOURS AND MINE
October 11, 2015
From time to time, I think I'm pretty reasonable and nice, I mean as a person and a coach and maybe as a friend. 2 hours after that I don't understand how people can even stand to spend time with me. I mean... I talk waaaay too much, most of my jokes are only funny to me (and to Elli because we use the same ones over and over again), I speak about myself a lot and tell stories about my happenings and usually they are a little oh-yah-and-then-i-went-there-and-did-that-and-then-that-happened-and... Do I sound cocky only to myself or can someone else feel that when you guys are having conversations with me? I'm not very sure if I wanna know the answer but please tell me if I'm starting to sound annoying.
I also think that my thighs are too big and jiggleish. I'm so sure that I'm not working hard enough, that I don't train as much as I should, that I'm not a very good friend and godmother and well - my bum should most DEFINITELY be smaller.
''Damn, I know I should have not had that ice-cream yesterday. If only I skipped it, it would have made me a better person.''How come a human brain works like this? How come it changes her mind so fast that at one point, you are totally satisfied with who you are, and the next moment you dislike everything that you used to embrace 15 minutes ago? We all have those thoughts and the magic is to guide them back to the right track.
I mean...seriously, brain. Get a grip!I stumbled on an old blog post I wrote a year ago; it's about this one video that stole my sanity for 12 minutes - 15 times in a row. It had me so hooked from the first time I saw it, that I still remember the feeling of goosebumps inside my heart. INSIDE my heart!
Is that even possible!? Left ventricle.Now, some months later, I watched it again and guess what - I still feel the same. This video touched me on so many different levels, that I can't even imagine how many floors that skyscraper of thoughts must have had. I mean, Singapore style!
I had so many different emotions while watching this and I kept changing my mind after every few minutes:'' Do I like it or not; should I share it or not; do I believe her or not; is she authentic or just doing it for the money; am I authentic or doing it for the money?''
I sunk into that video - I listened. I mean, I REALLY listened and tried to put myself in Her shoes. Her friggin' hot golden shoes full of awesomeness and passion.
They were Nikes, I'm almost absolutely sure.If one can tear herself open in front of millions of viewers, then you too can speak your mind. You can easily finish the goals you set for YOURSELF. Why do you say that you aren't able to start living healthy or loving yourself? Why are people so afraid to speak their mind when they feel they truly have something important nad meaningful to say?
Are you afraid what other people might think? Will you look stupid? Will they judge you? Well, you are judging them right now because it's the easiest thing to do. Just nod along, never question.
Will you break a limb after speaking up?
Didn't think so.
What is the worst (and I mean The Worst) thing that could happen when you choose to speak your mind? Is there a real reason why you are not doing it already? Basically, no reason - just comfort at cloud number 9 and a little bit of fear what will happen if people find out who you really are.
Lack of ambition? Fear of conflict?
Dispute is good, it's needed to shake off the shield that we create around ourselves of the ideas from everyone else.
Speak up. If SHE can then YOU can!
Damn right I can!I quote:
”But I’m no longer afraid of conflict and I don’t think conflict is a bad thing, cause I know that when you grow up, when you learn a few things, you’re no longer afraid of letting go, you’re no longer afraid of the unknown. You’re no longer afraid of going to certain places in your body and in your mind and your soul that may make you feel uncomfortable, and it all starts with if you can look yourself at the mirror and say ‘’I like that person’’, you know.”
Watching this video made me realize that even if I have been saying the words out loud for a long time, I’m even more convinced now that the first person you have to take care of is y-o-u. It doesn’t matter if you have kids or parents you have to take care of; a small dog or a wife/husband, that sometimes acts like a small dog; the most important thing is to take care of yourself, first. And no – it’s not egoistic. Let me explain:
In order to help others you have to be sane and happy yourself. Do you agree? During aircraft malfunction, when the oxygen masks drop down, first - you have to take care of yourself in order to help others. If you fail to place the mask over your own head, then it’s quite sure, you won’t be able to help others around you. So be fair to the people who are close to you and learn the art of loving yourself. It can be pretty hard at first but it's worth the hustle.
”You know, everybody is not good at everything, you know, it’s ok to depend on someone. It’s actually what we’re supposed to do – we’re supposed to depend on each other and when you find the person you trust and you love and you feel is going to respect you and take all of that shit you have and turn it around and bring out the best in you… it feeds you.”I have never had a certain person as role model. Well, of course I HAVE had people I look up to, like my mother and my father, but a celebrity role-model is something else (and my high school crush, DMX, won't do here). A real role model is something else, something out of this Universe. This influential person has to be someone you can relate to, someone who makes you look at the World differently, someone who makes you nod and smile and nod some more when you hear them talk about the things you were too afraid to say out loud. It's like they speak your mind so you could hear yours.
For some weird unexplainable reason, I truly admire the jeepers out of Mrs. Carter. Maybe it's her voice, maybe it's her killer-looks, her hubba-hubba-hot body, maybe it's her shiny outfits, maybe it's Jay-Z - I'm not very sure. I took the liberty and time to watch the video (oh so many times…) and write out the script. If you want, you can share your thoughts with me, I truly appreciate honest and constructive criticism and feedback. Everything is hard before it gets easy.
Take notice - if it's your first time to speak out, make sure you taste your own words before you spit them out.
Here is Yours and Mine - enjoy!
”I sometimes wish I could be anonymous and walk down the street just like everyone else. Before I was famous, I was the girl on the hill with a guitar, I was the girl who just wanted a beautiful view of the beach. And now that I’m famous, it’s really-really difficult to do very simple things.
I think it’s the hardest thing to give up. But my mother always taught me to be strong and to never be a victim, never make excuses, never expect anyone else to provide for me things I know I can provide for myself. I have dreams and I felt like I have a power to actually make those dreams become a reality.
When you’re famous no-one looks at you as a human any more, you become the property of the public – there’s nothing real about that.
You can’t put your finger on who I am. I can’t put my finger on who I am. I am complicated. I grew up with a lot of conflict and dramas and I’ve been through a lot, just like everyone else. My escape was always music and I’m so lucky that that’s my job. But if I accomplished all of these things and had no-one to share with, it would be worth nothing. You know you need something real in order to any of that stuff to matter. You have to have something that is forever. Something that’s invisible.
I was brought up seeing my mother trying to please and make everyone comfortable and always felt that it was my job to fix the problem. People pleaser.
But I’m no longer afraid of conflict and I don’t think conflict is a bad thing, cause I know that when you grow up, when you learn a few things, you’re no longer afraid of letting go, you’re no longer afraid of the unknown. You’re no longer afraid of going to certain places in your body and in your mind and your soul that may make you feel uncomfortable and it all starts with if you can look yourself at the mirror and say ‘’I like that person’’, you know.
If I hadn’t gone through, you know, some of the painful experiences in my life, I would not be me. I feel that my body is borrowed and this life is very temporary.
I watch my … and to see someone pass on so gracefully, puts everything in perspective. We do not value ourselves enough, especially young people don’t really appreciate how brilliant our bodies are. I’ve always been very-very specific and very choosy … very choosy about what I do with my body and who I wanna share that with.
People feel that they loose something when they get married but it doesn’t have to be that way. There’s nothing more exiting about having a witness to your life.
I always considered myself a feminist although I was always afraid of that word because people put so much on it when honestly it’s really simple – it’s just a person who believes in equality for men and women. Men and women balance each other out and we have to get to a point where we are comfortable with appreciating each other.
I have a lot of empathy for men and the pressures that they go through and the cultures that have been created, especially for African American men. I have the same empathy for women and the pressures we go through. Women have to provide so many things for their children.
I consider myself a humanist.
You know, everybody is not good at everything, you know, it’s ok to depend on someone. It’s actually what we’re supposed to do – we’re supposed to depend on each other and when you find the person you trust and you love and you feel is going to respect you and take all of that shit you have and turn it around and bring out the best in you… it feeds you. It is THE most powerful thing you can feel in your life. Happiness comes from you, no one else can make you happy. You make you happy. And one thing that’s for sure, the love I have – the music, for my husband, for my child – it’s something that will last far beyond my life.”